As you all know, Phase 6 ([link]) entails the not-so-fun part of the creative... erm... process. It is inconsolable. It is all powerful. Eat needs to eat a bag of prime, Grade A, FDA approved Hell and die.

Needless to say, I was looking at art that far exceeds my own capabilities and I again feel... SO FUCKING WORTHLESS!!

BRB, despairing forever. ;o;

In other news, I have 1,931 words for NaNoWriMo. I think by the 5th, the diligent writer should've had about 5,000 or so words. I am not diligent. In fact, I started three days late. 8B I'll be lucky if I can find the will to complete 3,000 words by the end of the week.

Heaven help us.

Well, it's NaNoWriMo again. I wonder if I can actually pull it off this year. I have tried before and never finished any of it.

[link]

I like to write.... er, type! But it's the same deal with writing as it is with drawing: people are probably going to ask to read it and I'll sit there staring at a blank page with all these fears that people will realize it's crap. Lawl!! My grammar leaves much to be desired and it'll be everything I have to not put in emoticons or "LoL" at the end of every sentence.

Why is it when I'm RP'ing with other people's characters it's always easier to get the ideas out? But when I'm on my own I just stand there like a deer in the headlights. Maybe I'll write from first person this year. The only problem with first person is to keep remembering there's no way the dude can know all that's happening around him/her/it/pudding.

... and tell some artists to stop drawing huge breasts WITH impossibly thin torsos. Apparently ribs and internal organs are a no-no or something, particularly in comic book heroines/characters. I guess they can pull the style card on that, but it still bothers me something fierce because it's often combined with realistic faces and limbs. Sometimes it's so extreme that their upper bodies look completely dislocated from their lower body. All you'd have to do is give their waist a firm grip and then -SNAP!-!

Not everyone can be Vampira. [link]

There's probably a super hero hospital for paraplegic characters when they get manhandled too hard. I hope your tiara of ultimate truth can fix that, princess. >3>

I'm sure most of you have heard this complaint before. But that's because it's that annoying.

Lately, I've been a whole soup of emotions. Particularly in the past two or three weeks. When fall and winter start melting together up here, it's been that in the past that bad things happened and my subconscious mind remembers it. Deep depression, real life issues, and being tremendously sick one winter that it brought on panic attacks. That was no fun, at all. It'd be foolish to think that it'd never happen again, but... it'd also be foolish to dwell on it.

It's very hard to stay positive when annually the bad news comes this time of year. Christmases have been melancholy and the cold makes me think of bad memories. It shouldn't... the cold and snow are beautiful around here. But when you've got or had depression, you lose a large chunk of your memory and usually all that remains were those pesky bad ones.

I've tried meditation, but my mind is too crowded still. So worried so that it drives the nails of anxiety into my gut sometimes. It's not as bad as it used to be, though. Some nights I used to sit bolt upright and be convinced that WorldWar III was finally upon us or that a giant meteor was going to smash down and kill us all. It sounds ridiculous when you're not already frightened, doesn't it? When you're scared, everything gets blown out of proportion.

It does nothing for your creativity, I can tell you that. And these days I'm being asked to be creative on demand. Does that make me a professional now? I don't feel like a professional, but somehow people came to believe that I am.

I think I'm just going to stop trying to be helpful to people when I get taken for someone who doesn't know their ass from a hole in wall. >3>

Is it my name!? Is it because of my drawing preferences? Is it because I don't have a huge fan following of yes-men and ass kissers who'd be more than willing to offer me free praise for whatever bullshit I post? Is there some kind of unseen stigma I've got that makes people flat out ignore whatever comments I have that may actually be useful because someone who wasn't popular said it!?

WHAT! THE! FFFFFFFFFFU-!??

/faceplant

At this point, I don't want fame. I just want to be acknowledged.